BREAKING … Solskjaer Sacks Himself

News is reaching us that Manchester United manager Ole Gunner Solskjaer has just sacked himself. The Norwegian told reporters that today’s defeat to Watford was the final straw.

“I was going to give myself until after Christmas to see if I could turn things around but not after that shit-show. I thought losing at home to Liverpool and Manchester City was bad but this is unforgivable. I mean seriously, Watford. Fucking Watford. Ole, you’re fired!”

Solskjaer added however that he doesn’t think he’s the only one to blame.

“It’s always the manager’s fault isn’t it? What about the players? What about those clowns? Paul Pogba. Shite. McTominay. Shite. Martial. Shite. Fred. Worse than shite. Lindelof. Useless prick. And don’t even talk to me about Harry fat-head Maguire. Big clumsy fucking gorilla. If there was any justice he’d get sacked too.”

Manchester United chief executive Ed Woodward meanwhile has apparently just been spotted pulling up outside the home of Steve Bruce. We’ll have more on this breaking news as it happens.