“I Could Drop-Kick A Puppy Over A Wall On Live TV And Still Win.” Boris Johnson


LONDON – Boris Johnson had a dig at his rivals today in the race to become next leader of the Conservative Party when he suggested there is literally nothing he could do that would prevent him from winning.

Johnson has the support of 114 MPs out of a total 313, well ahead of his nearest challenger Jeremy Hunt on 43. Michael Gove is third with 37. The rest are basically fucked.

“Honestly, could they not come up with anyone better than this bunch?” Johnson told supporters after the first round of voting. “I’d never heard of most of them until this week. I could drop kick a puppy over a wall on live TV and I’d still win this thing. There’s more chance of Jeremy Corbyn converting to Judaism and becoming Chief Rabbi of Britain than any of these clowns beating me.”

Mr. Johnson also said his nearest rival Jeremy Hunt is not cut out to be Prime Minister, however Mr. Hunt’s wife – also a member of the Conservative Party – hit back in an interview with the Daily Mail today.

When asked about Johnson’s comments she replied “I know Jeremy better than anyone and I can assure you that the people of Britain would be very lucky to have him as Prime Minister and he would do our country proud. Having said that I’m still voting for Boris.”