Boris Johnson Threatens To Take English Language Back


British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said that if Ireland doesn’t “play ball” he will consider not allowing us to use their language anymore. Mr. Johnson was giving a speech to Conservative Party members in London last night when his attention turned to Ireland.

“When our ancestors popped across the Irish sea for a visit and generously gave them our language to use, did they say thank you? No they bloody well didn’t. I’ve a good mind to take it back off them. In fact they’ve never thanked us for any of the wonderful things we did to their country. What is it with those people? I mean seriously, what kind of silly country calls its Prime Minister ‘The Teashop’ anyway?”

Mr. Johnson is clearly getting more and more frustrated as the reality of a no-deal brexit looms large on the horizon with the Irish border issue the main stumbling block to a smooth exit.

“We’ve bent over backwards for the Irish.” he continued. “I’ve even stopped calling them Paddys and all we ask in return is that they give up this backstop nonsense which may or may not lead to customs checks, a hard border and the return of paramilitaries and bloodshed on the streets. I mean what is their problem? Ungrateful bloody Paddys!”