Met Éireann has issued a Betty Swollocks warning for the whole country and said they expect ball sweat levels in Ireland in the coming days to break the previous record set in 1989. Spokesman John Phillips said we’re already approaching the 1989 figures and we still have a heatwave to come.
“I can say with confidence that by the end of next week we’ll have set a new record for ball sweat fall in this country as the current temperatures we’re experiencing are about to get a whole lot warmer, causing a nationwide epidemic of sweaty nutsacks and soggy jocks. Trust me, Ireland will be Betty Swollocks central next week.”
So what type of precautions should men take in order to keep Betty Swollocks levels down to a minimum?
“Take a shower every morning and then powder those hairy boys before getting dressed. It can be that simple. And don’t spare the talc. Your family and work colleagues will appreciate the effort. Plus they’ll all stop calling you sweaty bollocks behind your back so everyone’s a winner.”