‘Bored Rotten’ Queen Considering Beheading Some Criminals For A Laugh

Queen

The Queen of England is said to be considering beheading a few criminals after complaining about being “bored rotten” due to self-isolation. A royal insider said Queen Elizabeth made the threat after spending the last two weeks cooped up in Buckingham Palace due to the coronavirus outbreak.

“Her Majesty has binge-watched Power and Orange Is The New Black but now she’s looking for something a bit more stimulating than watching television. She’s been reading a lot lately about prison overcrowding and says she has devised the perfect solution.”

The Queen has often complained that she came to the throne at the wrong time, claiming her ancestors had much more fun than her back in the day throwing people in dungeons and burning them at the stake.

“Political correctness has ruined this country.” she once told a reporter. “One can’t even chop someone’s head off these days without some bloody hippy getting offended.”

The Queen said she hopes to have her new guillotine up and running next month and told Prime Minister Boris Johnson to warn all MP’s that anyone who tries to stop her could find themselves arrested for treason and in line for a place on the chopping block.