Met Eireann has warned that record levels of ball sweat will fall throughout Ireland over the long weekend and spokesman John Phillips said that if people don’t take precautions the unusually warm conditions for this time of year could cause a nationwide soggy jocks epidemic.
“The main concern we have is the danger of potential flash floods of bollock sweat, particularly in built-up areas. People may scoff at the idea but belive me, sweaty nutsacks are no laughing matter. Fortunately though if people use common sense it’s something that can be prevented quite easily.”
So what does he recommend?
“After taking a shower in the morning make sure you powder your hairy boys before getting dressed. It can be as simple as that. And don’t spare the talc. Just remember to keep things fresh down there and your friends and family will appreciate the effort.”