Record Levels Of Ball Sweat Forecast For Ireland This Week


Met Eireann has warned that Ireland can expect record levels of ball sweat throughout the country for the coming week as the heatwave is set to continue. John Phillips says the unusually hot weather conditions are causing all manner of problems including a nationwide epidemic of soggy jocks.

“The heatwave we’re experiencing at the moment is not something Irish people are familiar with and therefore most of us don’t know how to deal with it. The main concern we have is the danger of potential flash floods of ball sweat, particularly in built -up areas.”

Dr. John Henderson is a professor of dermatology at the University of Kilbeggan and he says this problem is usually only an issue in tropical climates.

“These drought like conditions are causing havoc in the nation’s underpants. Never before in Ireland have so many balls been stuck to so many legs. Fortunately though if people use common sense it’s something that can be prevented quite easily.”

So what does he recommend?

“After taking a shower in the morning make sure you powder those hairy boys before getting dressed. It can be as simple as that. And don’t spare the talc. Just remember to keep things fresh down there and your co-workers will appreciate the effort. Let’s work together to keep sweaty nutsacks out of the workplace.”