Anti-lockdown Protesters Hold Anti-reopening Protest

Anti-lockdown protesters have held an anti-reopening protest in Dublin, claiming the opening of non-essential shops is all part of a sinister government plot. Spokesman Brian White said people should not be fooled into going to the shops.

“It’s all a trick. Clearly the authorities have noticed there’s too many of us who are going to refuse to take the death jab so they’ve come up with another way of killing us all. We believe government agents have sprayed shops with novichok given to them by their illuminati overlords and everyone who goes shopping in Ireland this week will be dead in a matter of days. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about and I’m not mental or anything, honest.”

Brian said the protests will continue until all non-essential retail is shut down across the country. Then they will resume their anti-lockdown protests until it’s opened again.

“This government must think they’re dealing with idiots. We will keep protesting against everything they do until they do the opposite. We will not back down. Power to the people. Ireland says no to everything! Boycott RTE!! Apart from Reeling in the Years obviously. Everyone loves Reeling in the Years. It’s a great programme and a credit to our national broadcaster.”