Absolutely nothing happened in Leitrim last week

Absolutely nothing happened anywhere in Co. Leitrim last week and the local weekly newspaper staff had no choice but to release a completely blank edition.

Several things are reported to have nearly happened but in the end, none of them did.

Editor of the Leitrim Weekly News Joe Flynn told us “A man from Ballinamore almost drove off without paying for his petrol but then realised his mistake and went in and paid for it. That would’ve made the front page for sure. Would’ve been our biggest crime spree in years. Feck it anyway.”

Joe said this is the first time he can ever remember absolutely nothing happening in a whole week since the newspaper was first published back in 1989.

“We’ve had a few quiet weeks over the years but nothing like this. The under 12 camogie final was rained off too so we couldn’t even report on that shite.”

Strangely, as well as no sport, crime or news in general, nobody even died last week anywhere in the county.

“We can usually rely on a few aul ones to pop their clogs and keep the death notices going but not last week.” said Joe. “They’re all a picture of perfect health apparently. They say no news is good news. Not if your job is reporting the news. I don’t know who ‘they’ are but frankly they’re full of shit.”