Breaking: 9 out of 10 Manchester United fans didn’t show up for work today

Reports are reaching us that 9 out of 10 Manchester United fans did not show up for work today and are probably in hiding.

United were hammered 7-0 yesterday by their most bitter rivals Liverpool and fans couldn’t bare to face the abuse that was going to greet them from Liverpool supporting work colleagues.

Most called in sick claiming to have everything from the flu to long covid while several others called in dead and said they won’t be returning ever.

It was Liverpool’s biggest ever win over their rivals and United’s worst defeat in Premier League history. As well as the humiliating scoreline, some highly embarrassing stats came out of the game too for the visitors. For example, since he joined Liverpool, Mo Salah has now received more yellow cards against United for taking his shirt off in celebration than United have scored goals.

People are being encouraged to hug a Manchester United fan today if you see one, although you probably won’t see one.