Two Metre Rule That Everyone Ignores To Remain In Place

Taoiseach Micheál Martin has said there will be no immediate change to the current two-metre rule for physical distancing that everyone ignores. Mr. Martin was speaking to reporters after he held a meeting with the Cabinet this morning where the issue was raised by several Ministers.

“After receiving advice from the Chief Medical Officer, I can confirm that the two metre rule is to remain in place. I’m aware that it’s impossible to enforce and that most people don’t seem to give a shite about it but as long as it looks like we’re doing our job that’s really all that matters.”

Shoppers in Dublin city centre this morning were clearly not observing social distancing rules and many businesses reported huge numbers of people coming through their doors. David Mangan is manager of mobile phone repair shop Fix-It on Henry Street and we asked him if his customers are obeying the two metre rule.

“Me bollix!” he told us. “Wall to wall young ones with masks on their chins bumping into each other. We put the two metre things on the floor but nobody has even noticed them. They think the sanitiser at the door is a sample ‘coz they just spray in on their wrists and smell it.”

The government also confirmed that hair salons will not be allowed to open any time soon and the nation’s hairdressers will have to continue cutting their customers hair in their own homes.